2013 CPAC Fellowship - Thank you Cuyahoga County, I hope I can live up to your expectations

I found out a while back, November maybe, that I had been selected as a finalist for the 2013 Community Partnership for Arts and Culture Community Workforce Fellowship. I did my best to keep it under wraps until the final awards ceremony last week at MOCA when it became a bit more real (I had to walk on a small stage, accept a certificate and get out of there without falling over myself). The honor is amazing so I want to take some time and effort and put out there exactly what this may mean. For those you not interested in self exploration of the creative process or whatever, this isn't the post for you.

I have been very lucky in this "creative career" trajectory and while I am humbled by the recognition (which is very nice!) and the grant (to be used for doing "more stuff") I am well aware that this could not have happened without whatever force connected me to so many talented and driven people that pushed me to do more then just punch a clock and never be satisfied with "good enough". I'm not going to name drop, but those of you whom know of which I speak, well, know.

TOIstudio started as an experiment in sorting out why a math and science nerd such as myself loved the act of design. Not just of creation, but what was behind the creation. While many failed experiments (which could be construed as set backs) occurred, most of the time they created a pool of knowledge of what didn't work which at times can be more useful then what does work. Nowadays TOIstudio is just a name to hide behind so that I don't have to brand anything with myself. It is an acute acknowledgement that I work horribly in a vacuum, that I would rather collaborate and have meaningful discussions about making things and how people move about within them, then not. I enjoy being challenged and frustrated, enraged at times, so that I feel the blood in my ears as I work to prove out a vision. It is my way to ride the coattails of very talented people and suck any and all knowledge from them that I can. The very marrow of existence (I haven't seen that movie in a while).

So.

What does the fellowship mean, exactly? That I cannot quite answer. Yet. To me it is a stepping stone, a way to set up a strong foundation to continue research in design without many of the normal constraints. It gives me a voice. It gives me some very appreciated financial backing. It gives me some confidence that what I am doing could be interesting to someone else (which I admit is pretty exhilarating).

For those of you paying attention, way back in 2007 by first attempt at a shop flooded in some freak rainstorm. I was located in Midtown and the space  have a very poorly designed sanitary/storm clean out (eg lacking a closure device or cap) and my space flooded  destroying quite a bit of equipment, belongings and momentum. The idea was to build a shop/gallery space to give architects a creative outlet through more personal art then buildings. That idea still holds somewhat.

Fast forward to 2012 and the nice fellow who was letting me squat in his shop while we put together BookBox decides he has had enough of civilization and moves out West to Montana to teach architecture. To be fair it is beautiful out there and the school appears to have a decent program that he finds happiness at. Apparently. So another shop closes down.

Now the beginnings of 2013 encroach. I am finishing up my first pass at the Architecture Registration Exams and am currently looking at a new space for a shop. Someplace to live, work and create a gallery space in. My big plans have changed little so far, the dreams just seem more, reasonable. CPAC has given me more momentum however, more focus. Maybe a stronger voice. Either way it is humbling and scary. All I can think about is letting down the strangers who had enough interest in my work to tell me to keep going, keep digging and making and testing. And playing.

I'm scared to death of screwing up. Which is fine though, it means I'm on the right track.

Thanks Cuyahoga Arts and Culture, Cleveland, Community Partnership for Arts and Culture.

Thanks to those that let me hang out with them and their process, frustration and creation.

Thanks to those who put up with me and what I do.

I look forward to making more stuff. Thanks.